TMI? you decide!

I figure if I have friends that talk about their Brazilian waxes and make jokes about that on their blog, then this is not any worse! By the way, I think the Brazilian wax stories are hilarious ladies ;)

Anyways. I have chronic UTI's - look it up if you don't know what they are. I have had them ever since I was a little girl. Sometimes they turn into kidney infections which hurt like a beast! So I finally went to see a specialist about them and we have been working hard to figure out what is wrong with me (ya know, before my FABULOUS insurance runs out when I leave). So I went and did a CAT scan two weeks ago. After I drank 70 oz in an hour and had no food...awesome huh? Tests came back inconclusive.

So the sent me today to do another test. I knew what it was because I had the same test when I was a little girl. I was so traumatized by it, that I still remember it and I don't remember much from when I was little. My mom felt so bad that she pulled me out of school for the day and took me to lunch. Anyways going to this appt. I was totally nervous. I realize it was 112 outside, but I was sweating profusely on the way to this appt. I get there and am sitting in a waiting room with all old people. Which by the way is so my life now that I see a Urologist and I'm usually in the waiting room with all old men.

They call my name and ask me to change. They do blood work and all this other stuff to get me prepped. I go into the room and there is a nurse and then two radiologist students. One is a guy who i noticed was married who looked like he was shocked by lighting with his crazy white hair, big muscles, tats and earring. I shudder thinking about men wearing earrings! Who ever thought that was a good idea. The other student was a girl, I'm guessing she played softball in high school. She is nice, very butch and has some awesome arm tattoos also.

The test I'm going to take is a VCUG (Voiding Cysto-Urethrogram). Fancy eh? I lay down on a bed, another nurse comes in to put in a catheter. She asks me if I have ever had one, I say yes, but I had an epidural (when I had B). I asked for another one, she laughed, but didn't realize I was serious. I thought prior to the appt. that I needed to drink tons of water, so I chugged a TON of water. Then I get there and they have to take it all out of me. It was weird. They way the nurse and the two residents sat staring at my pee bag as it filled up. Something fascinating I guess about a pee bag. Then once I am emptied they fill me up with their own special liquid. To the point of where I am really uncomfortable and feel like water might come out my eyes. The doctor comes in, he is male and asks me if I'm ready "i tell him how excited I am to be here, everyone looking at my bladder, getting to pee in front of a ton of strangers" He takes a bunch of pictures then asks me to pee. Yep. I'm laying on a bed, in front of 4 people being asked to pee. Nothing is happening. They turn on the water to try to help me along and the Dr. is asking me to think about waterfalls. We are all laughing. In my head I'm pleading with my bladder "please, just pee and get this over with!!!" That doesn't work. So they give me two bottles of water to chug. The nurse and the two residents leave the room thinking maybe it's fear. Partially it is, but it's hard to pee on a bed. Wasn't I taught many years ago how wrong this was?! So they turn the machine so I am in the stand up position, give me another bottle of water, are all staring at me and the computer screen and the water is running in the background. Finally I pee. The Dr. told me that only one other person had done this in all his years working there. I told him thanks to my lose bladder from having a baby and I really wanted to be put down in history as the second person to pee on a bed in front of 4 strangers. I asked if there was a prize, There wasn't. They all give me big smiles, I have to eventually get up, the bed is wet, I'm slightly mortified (i would rather give birth in front of 20 strangers again). I hobble to the bathroom, notice I have hives all over my chest! I did get a good job from everyone. I tell the residents (since they have never seen this) that we will be life long friends, because how could you ever forget an experience like this! Maybe I should have asked for a picture with everyone before I left?

I'm going to go buy myself something pretty now.