This is my journal

I used to be AMAZINg at keeping journals. I'm sure I have over 15 full from over the years. But since getting married and having a kid I still am writing in the same journal...sad.
So I use this as my journal.
I can use it where I share some of my feelings, the rest that everyone doesn't need to know goes to James - lucky chap. I feel like I have a right to share my feelings, because they are my feelings and no one should be offended by my feelings. So here I go

This might be a long post, so feel free to skip!

Many know that we are trying to get into Dental School. This is James second time applying, and he is preparing to apply for a 3rd time. We have been having a hard time with finding out all our friends getting into dental school because james had Straight A's and the same DAT scores as many of them. We have learned that if James had applied as an Arizona Resident Oregon would have accepted us. We are still waiting to hear from Midwestern, but I've kinda lost hope...plus I would rather go to Oregon where the summers don't feel like I'm in Hell. ;) Except the plus is I'm 5 hours from home, so I will be going there A LOT this summer to play at the beach and with my parents and sister and her hubby! So first we have been dealing with that

Second my Friday babysitter unexpectantly quit on me. Awesome. I've contacted everyone I know that lives close and either they can't or everyone has jobs, who knows how in this market...because everyone else I know is losing theirs. Such is our luck. With that comes the fact that we will have to pay someone, which means less $ in the bank, which equals less of everything else, which equals stress! LOTS OF IT. It makes me sad too to have to even stress about a babysitter, My job is good, but I hate being away from my baby. I get an hour or less with him in the morning and then maybe 3 hours in the evening with him. That stinks. But you do what you gotta do.

Saturday night we watched Seven Pounds. Everyone who told me it was a lame movie was WRONG! It was amazing. I bawled, probably that plus everything else that has been happening the past 2 weeks just added up and let loose. It was an amazing movie about sacrafice and how good things come to good people. James and I lay in bed that night talking, figuring out a Plan B, me apologizing about being negative nancy, and a great other things. I treasure those talks in bed when it's quiet and cool (we are on this new thing where we can only use AC between 8pm and 1pm...it's killing me) and relaxing. Lately even though I realize that our situation stinks (I've left out a lot because I can write that somewhere else) that it's not that bad. I have a healthy family, we both have jobs, we have a roof over our head, we have amazing friends who will be BFF's for life thanks to TVA, we are able to eat meals everyday, our baby finally rolled over (which I was sooo worried he was going to do it when I wasn't around, that would have made me bawl), so life isn't that bad. Even though I complain a lot to my husband and sometimes to my Heavenly Father I am grateful. Sunday talks were mostly about Trials and Tribulation in Sacrament and Sunday School...obviously James and I needed it. I know that we will be blessed, that things will work out, that I need to relax a little.

So I'm working on being a better sport, being nicer, trying to stress less, find creative hobbies to keep me busy and maybe bring some extra mooola into our home, enjoy the time I do have with my husband and baby, it might not be a lot, but we try to make the most of it. I can't wait to look back 20 years down the road and laugh at how hard it was sometimes, and get to share the same poor/hard life stories that our parents shared with us. So one day when my kids read this I want them to know that I had Faith in our Heavenly Father that something would work out, maybe not what we had planned, but something will, that we are still very blessed and everyday we remind ourselves of the great things in our life (thanksgiving isn't the only day we should think about this), and all that matters is we are surviving, happy, healthy and loving our little family of 3 unconditionally! So now we just wait and see, wait and see....

(note: thanks for lunch breaks to share my feelings)